Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
