Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
