Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
