I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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