Umm I'm too high to move.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
