shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
