Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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