dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
