dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
