ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
