Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
