Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
