I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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