she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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