he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you would pick up someone in the library
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
