I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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