well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
