It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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