I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
