So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
