Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
