just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
