You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
