He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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