what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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