I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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