Your face is a jimmy john
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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