Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
