This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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