question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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