don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
