I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
