I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
