I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
