I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
