Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was born a porn star she said
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
