Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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