but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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