i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We have started to decorate penises.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
