I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
