I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
