I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
