his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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