whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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