Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
