So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
