I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
