just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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