3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're my little dorito
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
