I looked at my own cervix.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
