I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
