This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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