Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
